1. The lightest, thinnest top you brought from home is way too thick; it's a sweater here. Buy clothing which is even lighter than what the natives wear; they wear jeans and sweatshirts when the temperature drops below 35C. Rediscover your body, show some skin, wear less, wear smaller, don't be shy, inevitably some Carioca will be wearing less than you.
2. Forget how things are supposed to taste. Even simple food like carrots have a mustardy, spicier taste than back home, although carrots back there don't taste like much to be honest. Chocolate is an atrocity here, a cardboard texture coated with a waxy film with a faintness of cocoa, it's a sad, sad thing. Tropical fruits, on the other hand, will blow your mind, especially the perfumy taste of papaya, guava and passion fruit.
3. Expectations of mundane every day household things should be thrown out the window and re-registered in the land of "weird & demented". Toasters now toast only the top part of your bread; simply rotate and retoast. There is no water pressure and you will be blown out of the shower and bang your head on the rusty shampoo holder if you don't hold on. As you pull the coffee pot out of the machine, the filter holder will pop out every time, no matter how careful you are, and the pot will drip no which way you pour, just swear and use a paper towel.
4. Talking about roads and traffic is a superfluous and wasteful activity. It's messed up. There is no solution. It's like trying to solve world hunger by planting a basil plant on your balcony. Don't be perturbed with an 8 lane highway that suddenly turns into a one lane street bordering someone living room window. Don't be courteous to other drivers or pedestrians, this will only serve to confuse and anger everyone. Rush hour is not really a rush, it's more of a standstill, so always carry supplies such as water, snacks and toys, or better yet, stay home, don't offer to pick up or drop anyone off.
5. Take in and take advantage of what nature offers. Be in awe of the big waves, the craggy mountains, the white sand, the end-of-the-world-is-coming thunderstorms, the face-lift winds, the warm breezy nights, and the tangled sweaty jungles.
6. Notice and participate in sharing the wealth. Appreciate all people who work no matter what they do, especially those who work outside or doing hot work like ironing and putting down tar. Appreciate those who clean your clothes in a hot basement parking lot with a gang of thirsty mosquitoes, the babysitter who wakes at 5am and takes a 4 hour bus ride to take care of your kid so you can regain some sanity, the hotel workers that check your car, open the gate, watch you swim safely and change the lightbulbs in dark hallways.
7. Make friends with people who speak English, they will keep you sane on days when all the bank machines at the mall don't work and the parking guy only takes cash. A Brazilian friend won't commiserate with you about that, they're used to it.
8. Learn Portuguese. It's not Spanish and it's not sort of like German. There is no short cut. There is no excuse. Start before you leave home. Understanding and speaking Portuguese comfortably will dictate how profoundly you can immerse yourself into Brazilian culture and will enrich your experience tenfold.
9. Wait. Always expect to wait. Learn to live with it, if you can't enjoy it. Who knows if it's because it's hotter here, or the traffic is atrocious, but everything takes more time than expected.
10. Smile. You're in Rio after all. If you're stuck in traffic, pull over, there's bound to be place where you can have a stiff drink, jump in the ocean, eat a pile of bread or a chunk of cheese, or simply wait.
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| Still waiting on the office to be finished. |
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