The Sick Captain and her Equally Sick Barnacle

It's just a matter of time when my 3 year old is hacking and showering me with specks of phlegm as he lovingly comes over to kiss me, that I start to show symptoms too. As long as there is no overlap in sickness, the family boat stays afloat, but as soon as there are days when two thirds of the family is sick, the boat slams into a reef and the kid starts to stick to me like a barnacle on a pirate's wooden leg. The provisions start to dwindle, but the beach seems too far away to replenish our food supply.

The whining intensifies, the coughs rolling in our throats like bags of nails mixed with nuts and bolts, and the one remaining healthy crew member stands on deck a bit at a loss, holding an empty toilet paper package. The captain, weighed down by his human barnacle flashes a desperate look at his crew hoping he will read her mind and find a way to get more toilet paper, so that she doesn't have to use her swollen, burning throat.

The whinny barnacle and the exhausted captain park themselves on the couch for long hours while the crew member goes off to work. The barnacle refuses to take a nap even though he is yawning constantly and the captain longs for the days when she could sleep alone in her bed. They watch so many cartoon episodes that the captain realizes they have looped back to the beginning and that they are watching the same cartoons as the day before.

The captain decides to take the barnacle for a walk on the reef for some fresh ocean air. The barnacle doesn't want to. The barnacle unlatches from the wooden leg and sticks to the reef, motionless and defiant while the captain debates which she can handle in this desperate moment; ditching the screaming barnacle and walking to the end of the reef, or carrying the kicking, coughing, crying barnacle in her arms so that she may have those two minutes of fresh air. Both options are equally bad.

The crew returns with a canoe, some medicine, and toilet paper. The captain is very happy to see his crew member and barely convinces the barnacle to stick to him for a while for a much needed shower.

Tomorrow will be a better day, the captain will paddle the canoe to the beach to get provisions, the barnacle will stick to the bow and let the ocean air tousle his hair. Together and with a little less whining, they will cook a nice meal to thank the crew member who maned the ship alone for a while. The barnacle will loosen up and go back to playing with his toys. The captain will regain her sanity, hoist the sails up and put the boat back to sea.